The most vulnerable time in a person's life is childhood. This is a time when everything and everyone is deciding and guiding your every move. For myself, the choices that were made in my childhood, certainly put me in abusive and life threatening circumstances. My mother had to separate my sister and I while she did the best she could to escape my father who was trying to kill her. At the age of three I was left with a complete stranger who was physically beating me so much that I have memories of hiding underneath tables and beds in order that she wouldn't find me. Fortunately for me, the woman who was taking care of my sister, took me away from those circumstances. Unknowingly to her, in her home, I was sexually abused for five years. At the age of eight my Mother managed to return to Colombia, after the death of my father, and migrate us to the United States. In the United States I suffered different type(s) of abuse that come from living in poverty and having a Mother who believed in hitting and yelling as a form of discipline. From these experiences, I can tell you that having choices (let alone happy choices) was never in my vocabulary.
Quite often my language was; “I have to...it's not up to me...that's how life is” Making a choice seemed daunting and the cause of much anxiety and stress. I would obsess over the smallest decisions and “what could happen... or what might happen.” Many times my decisions were based on circumstances that I believed to be hopeless. These decisions led me to make choices that were somehow still being guided by the direction I was given as a child. Thus the abuse continued, this time by my own doing. I was stuck in a labyrinth of ill judgments and dead ends. Every turn would lead me down another strip club or abusive relationship. Until I found yoga and meditation.
Yoga and meditation brought inner awareness. It allowed me to open up paths of possibilities within my inner scope of daunting pain and sadness that seemed to swallow me at every choice I made. Therefore taking on a continuing education like Trauma Sensitive Yoga was a logical choice. Little did I know that it was the missing key that I needed in bringing softness to my practice. Trauma Sensitive Yoga is the yin of the yang. It is the rising moon of a setting sun. Trauma Sensitive Yoga tells my body and mind that I am safe, that my body is safe and that any decision I make will be a safe one. Every move I make is gentle and kind. I am enveloped in a cocoon of security and the freedom to make a choice that I know will not be harmful. For anyone suffering from Complex Trauma or Post Traumatic Stress; learning and incorporating thought patterns that signal your body, “this choice you're making is safe” can be a journey of peace.
I know that I have been touched by a practice that has given me back the power to make choices for myself. Choices that I know will not harm me. Choices that are made from a loving and nurturing place. Choices that are completely under my control. From here forgiveness resonates. I choose to forgive myself for every and all judgments that have ever held me in shame or hiding. Forgiveness for the damage my anger, insecurities and low-self esteem have caused my body and mind. Forgiveness for beating myself up and blaming instead of holding a space for patience and compassion.
I take on my knew knowledge like a gentle warrior guiding her staff through the muddied terrain. Happy, joyous and living life.
Quite often my language was; “I have to...it's not up to me...that's how life is” Making a choice seemed daunting and the cause of much anxiety and stress. I would obsess over the smallest decisions and “what could happen... or what might happen.” Many times my decisions were based on circumstances that I believed to be hopeless. These decisions led me to make choices that were somehow still being guided by the direction I was given as a child. Thus the abuse continued, this time by my own doing. I was stuck in a labyrinth of ill judgments and dead ends. Every turn would lead me down another strip club or abusive relationship. Until I found yoga and meditation.
Yoga and meditation brought inner awareness. It allowed me to open up paths of possibilities within my inner scope of daunting pain and sadness that seemed to swallow me at every choice I made. Therefore taking on a continuing education like Trauma Sensitive Yoga was a logical choice. Little did I know that it was the missing key that I needed in bringing softness to my practice. Trauma Sensitive Yoga is the yin of the yang. It is the rising moon of a setting sun. Trauma Sensitive Yoga tells my body and mind that I am safe, that my body is safe and that any decision I make will be a safe one. Every move I make is gentle and kind. I am enveloped in a cocoon of security and the freedom to make a choice that I know will not be harmful. For anyone suffering from Complex Trauma or Post Traumatic Stress; learning and incorporating thought patterns that signal your body, “this choice you're making is safe” can be a journey of peace.
I know that I have been touched by a practice that has given me back the power to make choices for myself. Choices that I know will not harm me. Choices that are made from a loving and nurturing place. Choices that are completely under my control. From here forgiveness resonates. I choose to forgive myself for every and all judgments that have ever held me in shame or hiding. Forgiveness for the damage my anger, insecurities and low-self esteem have caused my body and mind. Forgiveness for beating myself up and blaming instead of holding a space for patience and compassion.
I take on my knew knowledge like a gentle warrior guiding her staff through the muddied terrain. Happy, joyous and living life.
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