There are two types of abortion: Unconscious
and Conscious. I can tell you the second option is a much more happier and freeing choice. Specially when it's a conscious effort to NOT have an abortion.
By definition abortion is a termination of life. In layman's term, loosing a baby can be extremely traumatic and tragic. When you have an abortion you are actively assaulting your body and brutally killing another life form.
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My Unconscious Abortion
When I went away to college I started having unprotected sex. I was 17. It didn't take long for me to get pregnant. I went to the counselor at the school, and the only help she could offer was the question, "what are you going to do?" When I told the guy I was dating at the time,his first response was, "I'll take you to get an abortion." He was there to guide me through the entire process. I was led to the slaughter like a lamb. I remember seeing the protesters outside of the clinic and thinking that I might want to jump out of his car but he held my hand and said, "ignore them." I remember laying on the table as the nurse held my hand through the process. I remember the doctor and the sound of the vacuum and the pain I felt as my baby was ripped out of my body. I remember holding on to the nurses hand (a stranger, God bless her for that kindness). And I remember my boyfriend wanting to have sex with me the very next day, even after he was warned that it would be very likely that I could get pregnant again if we didn't wait to have sex for at least a week. I remember being miserable. That to me was an unconscious abortion because I didn't know. I didn't know my options. I didn't feel like I could turn to my family for guidance or support. I simply didn't know what to do and I was scared. I didn't know and I allowed someone who did know, an insensitive killer, to guide me through the process. ORGANIZATIONS THAT HELPED ME:
Priest For Life My sons Godfather is a priest. His Godfather connected me to several organizations that helped me for the duration of my pregnancy and up to the first two years of his life. Sisters Of Life These nuns dedicate their entire devotion to helping people realize the blessing of life. The retreats I have partaken with them have been undeniably life changing. In particular the retreat Entering Canaan: Hope and Healing Weekend Retreat helped me with my post abortion wounds. All of their retreats are donation based. Rachel's Vineyard Ministries This is a retreat that I attended in which I was able to give my aborted baby a name and put him to rest. Also, during the retreat someone had been praying for me before and during the weekend and they knitted me a beautiful shawl. AMAZING!!!! |
My Conscious Decision To Not Have An Abortion
At the age of 34 I was struggling to get out of my addictions. I had finally stopped working in the adult entertainment business and was enthusiastically trying to get La Negrita Productions (a company I founded) of the ground. I had already produced a short story called "Dear Abigail" that I had written and was busy putting together a grassroots event that brought awareness to the Immigrant Latino's plight in the United States. The event had already been presented at Lehman College and was being presented at John Jay and LaGuardia College. I was also in the process of developing a full length screenplay and then I met him (the father of my son). He was smart, knowledgeable, loved his family. He was a community organizer and all he talked about was how much he wanted to have a loving family. I was three months pregnant and had been dating him a year when I told him I was pregnant. He began to act differently soon after that. It became harder to get hold of him. I slept over his house one night and woke up at 3AM only to find him missing because he had decided to go out drinking and playing cards with his friends. And then the fighting and arguing started. I was so mad that I made the choice to break up with him and have an abortion. At the time I was living with my sister. One night I happened to fall asleep on the couch with the television on. I woke up at around 1 AM and there was an infomercial playing on the television about abortion. It was very graphic, it showed several abortions in process during different trimesters. I saw babies being ripped by pieces, their tiny sculls being crushed, their limbs torn apart and laying on trays or suction tubes. In my head I was thinking, "there is no way they can be showing this on public television" but they were and I was watching. The infomercial ended with these words "If you are thinking of having an abortion please call this number..." and that's when I decided to stop making my unconscious choices based on my pains and made up lies of how miserable and unlucky I was. I decided to make a choice of life. Not just for the baby that was growing inside of my body, but for myself. I gave him the middle name Salvador which means 'savior' because that is exactly what I believe he came to do in my life. My destiny soon began to change drastically based on this one little choice. A choice that I consciously made despite my anger, fear or anxieties. |