When I was 12 years old the world seemed very lonely and scary. I was attending I.S. 49 a Junior High School across the street from Stapleton Housing Projects. My mother was married at the time to Lynn Pabon, my stepfather. He was the reason why my sister and I had been able to immigrate to this country. To me, he was the one good thing in my life. He was my protector and hero. School was a place of fear and excitement. I feared going to school because I knew there would be a fight or I would witness some type of bullying. I feared that I would be the next person to be attacked. I was excited to attend drama class and orchestra; those classes were my refuge from the chaos outside the safety of my school.
This is what I remember from my school. I remember Melody, my friend, getting pregnant. She was in my orchestra class. I remember how helpless she was and how big her belly became. I don’t understand how the authorities did nothing to investigate her pregnancy, did the teachers and staff not report it? I remember walking home to a lonely apartment, because my parents were both working and my sister was in school. On my way home, I would almost always witness somebody getting beat up. Being harassed by boys was a daily routine. I remember learning about abortion from a conversation some of my classmates were having, because for one of them it had been their second abortion. I remember getting my period and not understanding what it was. I remember being scared for the most part and not getting along with my mother who was still hitting me with a belt. I remember trying to run away from my family because I was not understood.
At the time in my life anything that may have influenced me for the better would not resonate because I was under an immense level of stress. My life was pure survival. This time in my life was the pivotal change towards making choices that would take me down a path of success. All I learned in my early teens was to survive. My coping skills where; stay quiet, keep your head down, stay out of the way and be small. I learned this not only from my environment but from my Mother. My mother who came to this country illegally. Who learned how to survive in this country by staying quiet, keeping her head down and being small. Sometimes it seemed that she wanted to beat that concept into my head, and she did, with a belt. My stepfather was my only saving grace.
Does it not make sense that as an adult I recognize how important it is to teach mindfulness and awareness? That having the skill to recognize that what is outside of your experience is not and does not have to be your end all and be all. Because as a little girl I thought everything that I was experiencing was normal. I didn’t know anything else existed, this was my life. I had no idea that I had the ability to change my perspective and change my surroundings. I was not shown nor was I taught or informed. This led me to have an abortion at the age of 17. It led me into the world of strip clubs and prostitution. It led me to become an alcoholic. Because my life was one bad choice after another.
Yes, I got a bachelors degree and yes, I went to a two-year acting school. But all that did not matter when I thought the only way to survive was to create a life of chaos. A life that would keep me being quiet, staying out of the way and playing small.
My yoga training has given me the ability to step out of the chaos and live and create and become who I am today. A woman who strives to become a better person every day. A woman who keeps her head up, fights for her son’s education and wellbeing. A woman who is dedicating her new-found career to empower and uplift.
Starting these classes at P.S. 57 with at-risk youth, is not only about teaching students how to do yoga and be mindful. NO, these classes are about putting tools in their hands that will empower and give them the ability to KNOW that this life that they are living does not dictate who they will become. That they are special and deserving of a life in which they can feel safe. That they can walk with their head up. That their life does matter. That they deserve to be heard and that people are out there that do understand what they are experiencing. It is about letting them know that they are not alone.
Because helping someone on their journey to healing is a step towards your own.
Namaste
This is what I remember from my school. I remember Melody, my friend, getting pregnant. She was in my orchestra class. I remember how helpless she was and how big her belly became. I don’t understand how the authorities did nothing to investigate her pregnancy, did the teachers and staff not report it? I remember walking home to a lonely apartment, because my parents were both working and my sister was in school. On my way home, I would almost always witness somebody getting beat up. Being harassed by boys was a daily routine. I remember learning about abortion from a conversation some of my classmates were having, because for one of them it had been their second abortion. I remember getting my period and not understanding what it was. I remember being scared for the most part and not getting along with my mother who was still hitting me with a belt. I remember trying to run away from my family because I was not understood.
At the time in my life anything that may have influenced me for the better would not resonate because I was under an immense level of stress. My life was pure survival. This time in my life was the pivotal change towards making choices that would take me down a path of success. All I learned in my early teens was to survive. My coping skills where; stay quiet, keep your head down, stay out of the way and be small. I learned this not only from my environment but from my Mother. My mother who came to this country illegally. Who learned how to survive in this country by staying quiet, keeping her head down and being small. Sometimes it seemed that she wanted to beat that concept into my head, and she did, with a belt. My stepfather was my only saving grace.
Does it not make sense that as an adult I recognize how important it is to teach mindfulness and awareness? That having the skill to recognize that what is outside of your experience is not and does not have to be your end all and be all. Because as a little girl I thought everything that I was experiencing was normal. I didn’t know anything else existed, this was my life. I had no idea that I had the ability to change my perspective and change my surroundings. I was not shown nor was I taught or informed. This led me to have an abortion at the age of 17. It led me into the world of strip clubs and prostitution. It led me to become an alcoholic. Because my life was one bad choice after another.
Yes, I got a bachelors degree and yes, I went to a two-year acting school. But all that did not matter when I thought the only way to survive was to create a life of chaos. A life that would keep me being quiet, staying out of the way and playing small.
My yoga training has given me the ability to step out of the chaos and live and create and become who I am today. A woman who strives to become a better person every day. A woman who keeps her head up, fights for her son’s education and wellbeing. A woman who is dedicating her new-found career to empower and uplift.
Starting these classes at P.S. 57 with at-risk youth, is not only about teaching students how to do yoga and be mindful. NO, these classes are about putting tools in their hands that will empower and give them the ability to KNOW that this life that they are living does not dictate who they will become. That they are special and deserving of a life in which they can feel safe. That they can walk with their head up. That their life does matter. That they deserve to be heard and that people are out there that do understand what they are experiencing. It is about letting them know that they are not alone.
Because helping someone on their journey to healing is a step towards your own.
Namaste
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