As I finish this year feeling empowered with the beginning of my Baptiste training journey, I can't help but connect the dots and be in wonder of how I ended up on a journey that has transformed my entire being and lifestyle.
It began with a small awareness as to how happy I felt every time I left the studio. This bit of happiness inspired me to reach out to my former school I.S. 49, in Stapleton. A school that is teaching grounds for great potential in the benefits of having a trained mind and body. My wonder grows as the desire to introduce yoga and meditation to this school intensifies the deeper my understanding of the benefits of this training has on my way of being. I know that my desire resonates from my own experience having attended this school. I remember having had wonderful teachers who cared about me, all of them! To this day, I stay in touch with some of my classmates and we are still trying to have reunions. I remember benefiting from the art department, orchestra and falling in love with the Viola. The environment was tough but I believe the teachers and staff where tougher in their desire to leave us with the courage to take on what we were learning. Here laid the potential in my young mind to escape the oppressing surroundings of my life: the unsafe conditions outside of school and the worry that I inherited from parents that where barely making "ends-meat." I know that I would have been saved years of suffering, if I had been empowered with the knowledge that I had a choice over my actions, reactions and thoughts.
For me, these years where a transition between innocence and the harshness of life's realities. Growing up life threw at me; abuse, hunger, lack of resources and negative people. As a result I became a reactive victim of my circumstance. I reacted at everything and everyone in the most unpleasant way, with pure raw anger. I know now that this anger emerged from an underlying fear that vibrated constantly in my existence. Fear allowed me the luxury to play the victim. I became “the victim of my circumstances.” My fear was the bedrock that led me to make the choices that guided me down the rocky path of strip clubs, alcohol, meaningless acts of self-indulgence and short term gratifications. Hate granted me the power I needed to feel value in a valueless perception of worthlessness and despair. I lived through my hate. My hate allowed me the permission to hurt those I loved, destroy my career and my relationship with men. Baptiste yoga came at a time when I had become sick of being sick of being miserable. Something had to change! The biggest obstacle for my change has been my “poor minded” beliefs. The beliefs that; I'm not good enough, I'm worthless, I'm undeserving, I'm not capable and that I'm a burden. I have to take a moment now and smile at what I just wrote down, because I know NONE of these beliefs are true. How can I prove to myself that none of these beliefs are true? Because the facts are quite contradicting. Fact is I just finished a training that quite literally broke down every part of my lie into pieces and flushed it down the toilet. After my training I have come into the awareness that I have developed an Asana practice that has awoken my body and mind from a “trance-like” sleep that had me in a nightmare of fears and illusions about my potentiality. It has guided me to conscious thinking, essential acting and being from a place of organic grace. This organic grace is allowing my actions and way of being to naturally come from a place that quite literally tells me that my life is awesome. Yes, I'm organically trying easy not hard. Organically trying easy is letting go of the makeup caking my face and letting it be naked. It's trusting that EVERYTHING I am envisioning for myself is coming to fruition. This vision is letting “the winds of grace” support me and carry me somewhere new and spectacular.
At the beginning of my training we were told to write a letter to ourselves. A letter that we would get at the end of the training. I wrote to myself this: I am working on developing a yoga program that integrates letting go of anger from childhood traumas. I am developing my script “Alexa Silverio Del Oro” and sending it out for production. I have started working on my book, that speaks to women who have suffered from allowing themselves to have sexual traumas. I have started a fund for one young person from a juvenile home to begin their Baptiste training to change and grow their lives. I am making money and supporting myself through my writing and my being a leader in yoga, meditation and mindfulness. I have created a faithful following through my efforts with Sandra's Soul Path. I have my classes and community classes. I have a loving relationship with a man who loves me, believes in me and supports my son and my dreams. I am in the process of purchasing a home. Most importantly I am continuing to heal and live a healthy life of joy, happiness and forgiveness.
Now, does that sound like the dots are getting connected and a person is being trained to live in their greatness? I am a living testament to the power of this training. I AM READY NOW!
It began with a small awareness as to how happy I felt every time I left the studio. This bit of happiness inspired me to reach out to my former school I.S. 49, in Stapleton. A school that is teaching grounds for great potential in the benefits of having a trained mind and body. My wonder grows as the desire to introduce yoga and meditation to this school intensifies the deeper my understanding of the benefits of this training has on my way of being. I know that my desire resonates from my own experience having attended this school. I remember having had wonderful teachers who cared about me, all of them! To this day, I stay in touch with some of my classmates and we are still trying to have reunions. I remember benefiting from the art department, orchestra and falling in love with the Viola. The environment was tough but I believe the teachers and staff where tougher in their desire to leave us with the courage to take on what we were learning. Here laid the potential in my young mind to escape the oppressing surroundings of my life: the unsafe conditions outside of school and the worry that I inherited from parents that where barely making "ends-meat." I know that I would have been saved years of suffering, if I had been empowered with the knowledge that I had a choice over my actions, reactions and thoughts.
For me, these years where a transition between innocence and the harshness of life's realities. Growing up life threw at me; abuse, hunger, lack of resources and negative people. As a result I became a reactive victim of my circumstance. I reacted at everything and everyone in the most unpleasant way, with pure raw anger. I know now that this anger emerged from an underlying fear that vibrated constantly in my existence. Fear allowed me the luxury to play the victim. I became “the victim of my circumstances.” My fear was the bedrock that led me to make the choices that guided me down the rocky path of strip clubs, alcohol, meaningless acts of self-indulgence and short term gratifications. Hate granted me the power I needed to feel value in a valueless perception of worthlessness and despair. I lived through my hate. My hate allowed me the permission to hurt those I loved, destroy my career and my relationship with men. Baptiste yoga came at a time when I had become sick of being sick of being miserable. Something had to change! The biggest obstacle for my change has been my “poor minded” beliefs. The beliefs that; I'm not good enough, I'm worthless, I'm undeserving, I'm not capable and that I'm a burden. I have to take a moment now and smile at what I just wrote down, because I know NONE of these beliefs are true. How can I prove to myself that none of these beliefs are true? Because the facts are quite contradicting. Fact is I just finished a training that quite literally broke down every part of my lie into pieces and flushed it down the toilet. After my training I have come into the awareness that I have developed an Asana practice that has awoken my body and mind from a “trance-like” sleep that had me in a nightmare of fears and illusions about my potentiality. It has guided me to conscious thinking, essential acting and being from a place of organic grace. This organic grace is allowing my actions and way of being to naturally come from a place that quite literally tells me that my life is awesome. Yes, I'm organically trying easy not hard. Organically trying easy is letting go of the makeup caking my face and letting it be naked. It's trusting that EVERYTHING I am envisioning for myself is coming to fruition. This vision is letting “the winds of grace” support me and carry me somewhere new and spectacular.
At the beginning of my training we were told to write a letter to ourselves. A letter that we would get at the end of the training. I wrote to myself this: I am working on developing a yoga program that integrates letting go of anger from childhood traumas. I am developing my script “Alexa Silverio Del Oro” and sending it out for production. I have started working on my book, that speaks to women who have suffered from allowing themselves to have sexual traumas. I have started a fund for one young person from a juvenile home to begin their Baptiste training to change and grow their lives. I am making money and supporting myself through my writing and my being a leader in yoga, meditation and mindfulness. I have created a faithful following through my efforts with Sandra's Soul Path. I have my classes and community classes. I have a loving relationship with a man who loves me, believes in me and supports my son and my dreams. I am in the process of purchasing a home. Most importantly I am continuing to heal and live a healthy life of joy, happiness and forgiveness.
Now, does that sound like the dots are getting connected and a person is being trained to live in their greatness? I am a living testament to the power of this training. I AM READY NOW!
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