Creating Pathways to Healing Through Advocacy and Awareness.
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The first memory I have of myself is hiding underneath a table. Through the tablecloth I can see the kitchen sink and baby bottles. I know I am hiding because I’m terrified. My awareness of who I am is negative and the abuse I endured after did not improve. My childhood memories have transformed into the ghost of my past. I struggle every day with myself and my inner thoughts. If I don’t consciously calm my mind and stay centered, my anxiety creeps up. My deepest desire is inner peace. I want my thoughts to guide me towards a happier life. I want the complaining to stop. The critic to “shut up.” My deepest yearning is for love to embody every fiber of my being. AND I KNOW THAY I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS DESIRE.
Once upon a time I made the journaling goal to write from a place of not desiring. I thought I was making this amazingly noble decision, that by not desiring anything I could achieve some type of enlightenment. That I would not be attached to outside necessities and thus I wouldn’t suffer the loss. I realized that I was being naïve because I didn’t understand the spectrum of my beliefs. My mind was attached to the past. The past was filled with oppressive memories of abuse and self-sabotage. I understood that this path would be my, “valley of shadows of death” psalm 23 A psalm of David. My biggest comfort is that I am not walking this path alone and neither are you. When I began my Baptiste Yoga training a seed was planted in my mind. This "yoga" seed was a transformation of spirit, mind and body at a level of intense moving and thinking. I learned to meditate, breathe and focus from within. The gas that propels my action is knowing that change and healing is possible. I am here as a testimony and a witness that you can heal! You can stop the pain! You can be a positive member of this community! I am still in the process of growth, of healing, of transformation. I identify with a violent upbringing. I identify with having been sexually abused. I identify with poverty. I identify with mental illness and substance abuse. I also identify with love, peace and happiness. My desire is to organize a motley of people who crave peace, who crave love, who crave healing. |
I began my journey of healing and becoming a certified yoga teacher in August 2015. At the time, I was an alcoholic and working in the Adult Entertainment Business. I was taking a variety of drugs to alleviate the growing loneliness that was my life. These had been habits I began when I was 19 years old. Fast forward 21 years and I am still deep in the doing and being of my way of life. I did not think twice about hurting someone or hurting myself. I was ignorant and selfish, and I could care less about my health. To survive and maintain my faith and hope alive I have learned to identify moments of Divine Intervention. Like the night when I left a strip club at 3AM and tried to jump from the 59th street bridge. I was interceded by a man who comforted me and walked me across the bridge all the while having a car parked on the other side. When asked why he was walking across the bridge? His response was, “I don’t know, something told me to.” Life is fool of these moments. Moments that can offer lifelines for healing and atonement with your Higher-Self. I’ve learned to identify these moments as experiences of pure joy. Joy in knowing that I am cared for and loved. How amazing it is to allow the grace of the universe to run through my veins and my thoughts. These moments are pure and cleansing. Usually, I cry deeply and sorrowfully and my body trembles. If positive and negative electrons could be sparking up my senses, I am left with a knowing. Knowing that only positivity can change my negativity.
Divine intervention must be connected to The Law of Attraction. You must believe that you have landed here on this page on this sentence for a reason. I invite you to take this journey with me, let’s heal together. Let’s be part of the solution. All it takes is someONE and that one is YOU. I believe your journey is calling you to take the path. The path towards transformation. It is time that you acknowledged; I AM, that I AM is you. With Much Love, Sandra :-) |
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Tanks are $40. All proceeds go towards my efforts to raise funds for my training. Available in Small, Medium, Large and Extra Large. |
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